Relationships and Endings

Ending a relationship is often a painful experience. Deciding to give up, let go, and move on is never easy and often involves a long process of self-reflection and contemplation. Often we struggle to make sense of the loss, rejection, and the reality of a future without this person. The person’s need to communicate their loss to another person, whether this be a counsellor, a friend, a mother, a father, a sister or a brother, is what often intensifies our relationships and deepens our connections. We share our most intimate thoughts and show our inner self at its most fragile and raw.

There is something about this process that never fails to touch me; the innate need to express what we have endured is as constant as the rising sun. It is the opposite of restraint and often involves a lot of blood, sweat and tears. The burning need to have this pain heard and responded to; we are rarely able to keep it to ourselves. It stings, it burns, it chills us to the bone, we cry, we scream, we rant, we rage, all the time looking, searching for meaning and ultimately relief. We want to move on but attachments die hard, they insist on being heard like the writer with a story to tell.

We need to talk more, not less, especially in a country where counselling and psychotherapy are often seen as the last resort. Our choice of partner is a usually a series of complex conscious/unconscious choices, therefore taking time to understand how we arrived at those choices can be slow but ultimately liberating. Being able to talk about our experience is essential if we are to learn from the past and implement change.

In the words of Socrates “the unexamined life was not worth living.”